Today we are kicking off our summer series, which means wonderful guest posts! I have asked several women to write about Gospel Centered parenting. I am praying we would all learn something this summer from these wonderful women. Feel free to join in the conversation by commenting below!
Karen Isbell is blogging for us today. You can find Karen's blog here which details the desires of her family to live intentionally. Karen is a wife to Bryan who is a PE Teacher & a gifted worship leader. She is also a young mom--learning even more about gospel centered parenting with her sweet girls Ellie & Maggie!
We both sat on the floor crying. Neither of us knew what we were crying about anymore, but we both knew that we didn’t like each other in that moment. A simple request to put her shoes on ended with both of us in full meltdowns. I pulled her close and whispered, “I’m sorry.” I knew it wasn’t her fault, she didn’t understand that wearing pink, leopard print rain boots on a day sunny day with a yellow dress did not match and would cause everyone to question my parenting. I was overwhelmed by the self-imposed expectation to always present the world with a perfectly coordinated toddler and in that moment, that expectation had crushed me.
On the floor that day, I came face to face with the reality that I was parenting out of fear. Fear of not meeting certain expectations. Expectations I had self-imposed on myself, my daughter and even my spouse as a parent. There are books for “What to Expect” from pregnancy through toddlerhood but I had no clue about the long list of expectations that come with becoming a parent. Somehow this unspoken had grown each day from the moment the pregnancy test was positive and two years in I was exhausted. I couldn’t keep up.
As I turned to Jesus to surrender and ask for help, Galatians 3:13 became a promise I clung to, “Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, by becoming a curse for us…”
Expectations can quickly become like the law. Unattainable and burdensome. They weigh us down. They are overwhelming, frustrating and unclear. But we need them. Expectations provide clarity, structure and healthy boundaries.
Gospel based expectations point us to Jesus. Performance based expectations point us to ourselves.
Jesus died to set us free from living under the weight of performance based expectations. When Jesus fulfilled the law, it didn’t abolish the Ten Commandments, in fact He raised the standard. But it was no longer our performance that fulfilled those expectations it was grace.
Gospel based expectations give me the freedom to respond with grace and point my children to Jesus. It doesn’t change the standards. It doesn’t excuse them, it gives them the freedom to make mistakes and be responded to with love. It gives them the freedom to chose pink leopard rain boots on a sunny day with a yellow dress that doesn’t match.
Gospel based expectations are established in truth not in an invisible, unwritten, unsaid list of perceived or unrealistic expectations that we self-impose.
More days than I would like to admit I lean on performance based expectations and get easily entangled in the list of standards I’m not meeting or she isn’t meeting. Performance based expectations create an atmosphere of pressure. Gospel based expectations create an atmosphere of peace.
My prayer is that she won’t see a perfect mother but a dependent mother.
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