I’m careful to give parenting advice…because, well, we don’t have a finished product yet. But, one thing I always tell young parents is to be intentional and practical with traditions.
The first reason is because kids never forget and they expect things to be done a certain way. I remember one Christmas when our oldest four kids were like 4-8 years old and we were evaluating the Christmas season. (This is a time every year when I sit down with them and asked what made it special, what helped them focus on Jesus, how they had fun, and what they didn’t really enjoy. It helps me plan better in the future.) Anyway, all of the kids were like, “We love getting those ($1) candy-filled candy canes in our stockings. We get those every year.” I didn’t even know it was something they counted on. So, anyway, now they always get one every year. Kids will hold you to your traditions. So don’t do something you don’t want to maintain. You don’t want to reach their 6th birthday or their 8th Christmas season and be so exhausted trying to keep up with everything.
But, we should definitely fight for traditions and plan them into our days. Because, traditions help kids feel safe. They give kids predictability in an unpredictable world. Kids begin to lean on traditions as a place where they belong, where they are accepted. As Susan Lieberman says, “Family traditions counter alienation and confusion. They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, reliable, and safe in a confusing world.” As our kids have grown, we’ve had several conversations about the moments they realize every family doesn’t do things the way we do them. Almost every conversation ends with, “Well, I’m glad we do _____.” It is something that makes sense and reminds them of what is important.
So, as you determine your rhythms as a family, think about what things you want to be permanent fixtures and build around those. We have different values we want to rise to the top when we celebrate or have certain experiences. So, as we set up our traditions, we need to make sure they aren’t drowning out what we actually want to accomplish or shine the light on. They also sometimes need to be fun. In the book, Playing for Keeps, we are reminded that fun (over time) convinces our kids we actually like them. And, I would add, that sometimes it reminds us that we actually like them. Parenting can wear us down. But, having fun with our kids refreshes our perspective.
We have some traditions that have shifted as our kids have aged & some that have stayed nearly the same. We have some we are creating right now, some we may not even realize are becoming traditions. And, that’s why it’s so important to be intentional in how we plan these days. If we are not careful, our traditions will lead us somewhere we didn’t intend to go. But, when we are intentional, they can be a launching point to send our kids into the world. They can rest and be confident because of what happens at home.
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