Will I Ever Wear a White Shirt Again?

Ice Fishing & the Power of Presence...

This week as the snow fell and we drove by our beautiful lake, we were discussing fun things to do during winter:

    Tatum: I want to go ice fishing.

    Me: I don't know how to ice fish. 

    Tatum: That's okay. Mr. Gary can take me. 

You see, Mr. Gary was her small group leader during summer serve this last year. Here is what Tatum thinks about Mr. Gary: Mr. Gary knows everything. And, Mr. Gary cares about her. Why would she think that Mr. Gary cares about her? Because he showed up. Over and over in fact. Isn't it true that it doesn't matter if we are four or fourteen or forty, someone showing up over and over again proves that they care. When someone is present in our lives, we feel valued. When we are four, we might think they know everything! But, when we are fourteen or forty, we can still know that they know something. They may know a lot about something we are interested in or something we are gifted in. Or they may just know how much we are loved by our creator. But, either way, being present says so much.

And, because we understand the power of being present, we understand the role of the second voice in our kids' lives. We want to choose to widen their circle. We want to be intentional about finding and nurturing the presence of a second voice in their lives. 

Before we had kids, Buck and I understood the power of the second voice. We understood because we looked back at our own lives. And we understood because we had countless conversations with parents of students that went something like this:

    Parent: Thank you so much for talking to _________ about _________. I have been saying that for years.

So, now that we are parents, we pay attention to the people in our kids' lives. We pay attention to what they are saying and who they are. When your kids are young, it is easy to identify the second voices. Maybe it is a school teacher. Maybe it is a family member. As they grow, their influences grow. We need to stay in tune to who those second voices are. Are they healthy? Are they pointing my child in the direction I want them to go?

Sometimes when kids are young, parents don't see the value of the presence of others. But, we have decided that we want our kids to get used to being surrounded by people they can trust. In the past, my kids have invited small group leaders from church to their birthday parties, have made them cards, and have talked about them all the time. That's when I know someone is deeply invested in my kids. My kids feel cared for. And, my kids want to love back. So, I am hoping we are setting them up to look for people to invest in their futures. We want them to be around people who see who God created them to be and are willing to dive in and be apart of their story!

So, we keep talking with and listening to our kids. I want to know who my child is listening to. And, when I see another person investing in my child, I can invite them to invest at a greater level. I can nurture that relationship. I can encourage my kids and those who are investing in them.

And, on the other hand, when I don't hear about someone, I know something is missing. It may be that my child is not connecting with this person who is constantly present. It may be that the system or structure is not set up for the connection to happen, for my child to even recognize their presence. I am much more likely to stick with something when I know who is investing in my kids and see the difference it is making!

As parents, we must understand that we are the first voice. Even most teenagers would say they listen to their parents and care about what their parents think. So, don't simply give your influence away. But, we can also invest in the hearts of our kids when we are intentional about inviting voices into the lives of our kids. Find people who align with your values and who want to see your children become all they can be! And, sit back and watch what your kids are willing to hear from someone else!

Maybe someone can even teach your child about ice fishing or baking bread or sewing...all the things you know nothing of.

A Letter to my Pastor...

Well, I have been following Jesus very closely for twenty-three of my thirty-three years. Sometimes it can be easy to check-out, to think I already know something or to feel like I don't need certain sermons or small groups or discussions. But, honestly, we all know that isn't true. God is always working in us to complete His work. That's why I love Sunday mornings at my church. Our pastor (and our entire staff for that matter) understands that the truth of God's word can pierce the heart of someone far from God or someone who has been following Him for years. Lately, God has been doing some big stuff in the life of our church, the members of my awesome small group, and my life.

So, I wanted to share a letter I wrote to my pastor after a sermon a few weeks ago. He is not finished with any of us:

Today, as you were speaking, I was wondering if this was my story….

Did Jesus come to restore and fulfill my dream just as He had for Zacchaeus? Then, my mind began to wander. Was Zacchaeus’ story so much like mine because he never even had a chance to realize his dream until God restored it? Did something happen as a kid that threw him abruptly off course before he even began dreaming?

You see, the dream God gave me began unraveling before I really knew what it was. Why? Because as a young child my family was unraveling before my eyes. My dad taught me at a very young age what the gospel was. He taught me the truth of the Bible. And, then, before my little mind could grasp it all, could make it all my own, could begin to dream, that same dad taught me, at a very young age, about abandonment, about fear, about disappointment. And, then there was me. Left with only an inkling of a dream.

At age ten, God grabbed me back up into His arms. He asked me to follow Him. He promised to show me that dream. To restore it completely. Desperate and longing for hope, I said yes. Yes to an all in that I did not fully understand. Yes to whatever it took to dream again. Yes to walking with him on this great adventure. You see, God knew the dream He had planted inside of me. He knew He alone had the power, the grace, the protection to make it happen. He knew that inside this fragile heart was a girl He created for greater things. The dream was there. He had to show me I could trust Him so that I could grab onto the dream again.

Through the years, I consistently chose to follow God, or at least to be obedient rather than chasing the world. It was the right thing to do since I had said yes as a ten year old, right? I could not have told you the dream during those years. I was so focused on surviving, on doing the right thing, on being perfect to show the world that abandoned girls can make it. Looking back, I see all the ways God protected me. How in the world was I not a girl looking for love in all the wrong places? How on earth did I not fall entrapped to the enticements of the world that call for us in our weakest moments? Well, it was God’s grace smothered all over my life. It was His presence reigning in me. Because I said I wanted to be all in. Because I said I wanted Him to be my only hope. So, he covered me up and picked me up and carried me along step by step, closer and closer to the dream, keeping me close, showing me day by day, month by month, year by year, that He is good. That He likes me. That He made me and would always want me.

Then, when I was twenty, He began to pull me in a little closer, and to speak a little louder. I have placed a dream in you, He said. That dream starts with forgiveness. Real forgiveness. The kind where you trust me enough to forgive even when it still hurts. The kind where you will get nothing in return. The kind that completely frees you up to be mine. What did I have to lose at that point? I was all in. He kinda made me to be all in. So, I said yes.

Could it be true? Did He have a dream for me? Freedom began to awaken my soul to the dream. The dream of a family. Of a husband who is faithful to God first and to me second. Really? Is that real? Then the dream of influence in the lives of other families. But, wait. I’m not even sure this family thing works. This can’t be His dream for me. He must have planted this dream in someone else. No, He says, gently. And, then He comes through. You know, in the way only our God can. He came through. Now this is kinda funny. Not just with a husband who is faithful. But, with a husband who feels called to help families move closer to God. Family. The scariest word to me. The most inconsistent word I knew. But, yes, this was it. I’m not just in a family. I’m not just a part of God’s family. I am married to a Family Pastor—to a man who has invited me along on this journey of serving families. He has been patient with me as I set aside fear, uncertainty, no experience, and a world of questions without answers. He has promised to be there, to never leave my side, to lead me along this part of the adventure. We are all in with this dream God gave me, gave us. I am learning what family can look like. I am learning God has big dreams for making Himself known through families!

God has expanded the dream far beyond what I could have ever imagined. He has overwhelmed me at moments, then reminded me what He has already carried me through. He has asked me to remember the moment of desperation, when I chose Him, when I said Yes to the adventure. I think that’s the day I climbed the tree like Zacchaeus. I never knew our stories lined up so well. Once again, Scripture reminds me that God is in the business of rescuing all of us, rescuing us from our sins, from the turmoil of the world, to walk with Him, to dream again.

So, thanks, for taking me on a journey today, for helping me see all the ways God has been faithful to restore and fulfill His dream in me.

Chaperone: Friend or Foe?

This post is dedicated to those who have invested in me through the years--those who were more than chaperones, but who over time showed me how much God loves me!

Chaperone: Someone who accompanies and supervises a group, especially of young people, usually when in public places

Small Group Leader: Anyone who chooses to invest in the lives of a few to encourage authentic faith

Which one do you want on a trip with your preteen? Which one do you want talking to your teenager about which college to choose? Which one do you want sitting with your child on a four hour bus ride to camp?

I am not saying that some chaperones cannot have significant influence in the life of a child, but I am saying that they are not usually given that responsibility. And, why are they not given that responsibility? It is because it takes time to encourage authentic faith.

As talked about in the book Playing for Keeps, it takes time, stories, love, fun, tribes, and words over time to influence a child. You cannot force a child to develop authentic faith. A weekend retreat standing alone or a moving worship service usually don't lead to a healthy, sustainable, and authentic faith. But, when you introduce a small group leader to those same retreats, worship services, conversations, and bus rides, you are changing things up. You are providing consistency and presence that you don't always get in a chaperone. You are providing a place for connection. You are creating a history that can ultimately show a child that they matter to God!

I think 1 Thessalonians 2:8 sums up a small group leader well:
"So we care for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well."

Wow! Did you get that? They didn't share a fleeting moment or a story or an experience. They didn't just go on a fun trip. They didn't just make sure the kids didn't get lost or hurt. They shared their lives. That is an over and over kind of sharing. That sounds like the community God had in mind when He designed His church!

Chaperones should be reserved for school dances and field trips, not for experiences that could define the faith of my child!

So, what does this mean for you?

1. Are your kids in a small group? At Lakeland, small groups start when a child is 4 weeks old. They begin to look more and more like community the older a child gets. Your child's leader is there every week. Are you?

2. Are you being intentional about allowing other people to invest in your children? Do you know who is investing in your child?

3. Who do you need to be investing in over time? What relationships do you need to commit to so that you can have a lasting impact in their faith story?

4. If you are in a church leadership position are you being strategic about how people invest in people at your church or does it simply happen by accident? Is it something someone commits to or something someone signs up for every once in awhile?

Four Things...

People leave the church all the time. In fact, my generation is leaving the church in alarming numbers. Other people will tell you they have a church home, but they rarely darken the doors. Others still attend, sometimes, when it's convenient.

This next statement might surprise you. And, I am not saying it just because I am married to a pastor. I actually love attending my church. I have attended church my entire life, and I haven't had one moment where I thought about leaving "the church".

Here's why.

I believe God's church is his plan to reach the world. He doesn't have a plan B. Therefore, if I abandon His church, I am abandoning His plan to reach all of humanity. I can choose to criticize and run away or stay and help it advance!

It is easy to find things wrong with any church because they are full of people. But, I think there are four things you can do that will significantly change your experience with church and ultimately change your ability to participate in God's mission:

Attend the same church and the same service every week. At Lakeland this is very important...especially if you have kids. Our church is growing at a crazy pace. And, the easiest way to get lost is to jump around from service to service. Come to the same service. Mingle with the same crowd. And, if you have kids, this is a must. We have set up our children's environments from birth through fifth grade with your family in mind. If your child attends the same service each week, he or she will be connected with a caring leader and a consistent group of peers. My preschoolers love the consistency of the same leader each week. My kindergartener feels valued because Mr. Mike shows up every week to lead her group. We want to partner with you by giving your child a second voice, someone who is echoing what you as a parent are teaching at home. We want to give your child a great tribe to do life with. The more consistently you attend, the more opportunity your child actually has to connect and grow and pursue Jesus in the context of safe community. We all need this. Be intentional about giving it to your kids. We all have choices to make with our time. My challenge to you is to make attending a priority. It is the first step to falling in love with God's mission!

ACTION POINT: Attend for six straight weeks. Make it happen. Let me know how things change for your family.

Pursue Community. There are some people who are extreme people magnets, and maybe community really does find them. But for most of us, we have to pursue community. Join a small group. At Lakeland, they meet all during the week so find a time that works for your schedule. If your church does Sunday School, join a class. And, when you join, come every week. We experience community by doing life with other people. We experience community by sharing stories. We experience community by serving together. So, get in a group. Share your story. Be vulnerable. Once you decide you are all in, God will use that community to change your life. You will be cared for in a way you have never experienced before. You will feel safe. You will feel valued. You will have your needs met when they arise. Give it a chance. Chase it down.

ACTION POINT: Find out how to get connected at your church with a small group of people doing life together. Then do it. Show up at a group this week. If you are married, do all you can to make a group work together.

Give Generously. Give up all of yourself for the mission of His church! Give yourself to sharing the gospel with others. Give yourself to caring for the orphans and the poor. A church functions best when its people give! At Lakeland, it's pretty easy. We ask you to give in a few ways. One, we ask you to give your time to worship with us. There is just something about the body of Christ coming together to worship through songs and teaching. Also, we ask you to give your gifts. God has given you gifts to build up the body of believers. When you withhold those gifts from the body, we all ultimately suffer. Give your resources. I have never once regretted giving to the work God is doing through the local church. I dare you to give generously of your financial resources and then see how God begins to involve you more and more in his mission! Finally, give yourself to the people. The more you give in relationships, the closer your community will be. Don't be afraid of your past, your hurts, your questions. Instead, embrace the opportunity to invest in a group of people and watch the returns on your life!

ACTION POINT: How can you give more of yourself this month? Choose a team to try out serving. Find a small group. Start sharing your financial resources.

By the way, that's actually only a few hours of your time each week. You don't have to serve on six teams or be in three small groups to be on mission with God! Take the rest of your week and invest in your family and the community. That leads me to my last point.

Invite someone to join you. Sometimes we can lose sight of this part of the body of Christ. We can have great community, worship with other believers, and serve the body well, but it seems to get stale. But, when we start investing in the lives of those who are far from Christ, we get a new excitement. Watching the journey of someone finding the grace and love of Christ and watching them pursue Him and engage with His church is so refreshing. It is why we exist. It never gets old walking alongside someone as they learn to follow Jesus! Invite them into the community you have found.

ACTION POINT: How can you be more intentional to invest in those who do not know Jesus? How can you invite them to join you on this journey? You already have had a name pop up in your head. Invite them. Share the gospel with them. Give them the hope of Jesus!

I have found that most people who leave the church rarely did all four of these things faithfully. They never crossed the line from consumer to giver. They never crossed the line from hidden to known. They never crossed the line from "this is for me" to "who can I invite to join me". They snuck in and they snuck right back out. And, they are missing out. Could you be missing out?

God did not intend for His followers to journey alone. Don't give up on his Plan A! His Kingdom will advance and will reign in the end! Don't miss the excitement of the journey!

I would love to hear your stories about how God is changing your heart and inviting you to be a part of His mission through your local church!

Do for the One: Part 2

So, as I said in the last post, Andy Stanley said one phrase and literally changed so much about my life: "Do for the one what you wish you could do for everyone."

There are so many areas of our life we can implement this way of thinking and expand our influence.

So, here is the "Do for the One" question today:
"Who do you need to call and invite out for coffee or lunch?"

This one can be tough for so many of us. Our financial resources may be limited. Our time may be limited. If you are a student small group leader, you may have 8-12 students you are caring for. And, you might think it isn't fair to just take one or two out for coffee and chat. Well, when you begin to think about "doing for the one" you have to throw fair out the window. It isn't fair. It's not going to be fair. But, failing to invest in the one because I cannot invest in all is not good for anyone. Who do you connect with most? Who is in a tough place right now? Who could use some encouragement?

So, today, think about that young mom who would love a break from her kids over a cup of coffee. Think about that student who is getting ready to leave for college & needs to know you want to have a voice in his/her life. Think about that college student who is far from home. Think about that kid in your small group who's parents are going through tough times. Think about that leader on your team that needs to step up to the next level of leadership. Choose one. Just one. Call them. Today.

Parents: Get a CUE!!

One of my favorite things about thinking ORANGE is how the way we think about discipling kids begins to change. We begin to look at our role as the church more in terms of a partnership than doing the job clearly given to parents! But, in our busy schedules & daily demands of life, it is nice to have some guidance as we disciple our kids.

This is why I love the Parent Cue App. I am learning to use it more and more with my girls....slowly but surely. It gives us as parents so much insight into what our kids are learning on Sunday mornings & how to transfer those simple lessons to my home. It has everything from the video we use each Sunday to activities for different times of the day to encouraging podcasts and articles for me as a parent.

If you attend Lakeland, I cannot recommend many things more than downloading the apps below. Once you download the app, you can access the elementary or preschool material and it will match with what your child is learning at church. This resource is great for your family even if your church uses a different curriculum or strategy in the Children's Ministry.

Parent Cue App

I would love to hear your thoughts on the Parent Cue App if you are using it. Also, you can always pick up a paper copy at church to get you started!